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first post #kindanervous

So yeah! That concludes my story... ha ha I crack myself up. No but I wrote that because I found this quote I am geeking over, "It might seem strange to start a story with an ending. But all endings are also beginnings we just don't know it at the time." With risk of sounding emo, unless you die that could not be more true. If you are still breathing than endings are just beginnings. How glass half full typa awesome is that?! It doesn't make endings hurt any less whatsoever but it helps introduce the idea of moving on which steams from one of the healthiest human emotions: HOPE. No matter how old you are, life is just beginning. You might be thinking I dunno bro I have had a great life so far... I'm sure you have but what if you haven't even lived your best days yet? What if times that are unimaginable are on the horizon? What then Karen, what then.

Since the physical journal I am writing this in has a bike on it I am obviously going to have to reference my spin teacher (I swear I am not a middle aged mom). Mid pedal stroke the other day she looked out at the class and said something along the lines of, "no matter how bad it seems now its just a blimp." She did not leave the details in the locker room... she proceeded to tell us that right after 9/11 her husband left her and her house burnt down. I'm panting on my bike looking around like uh did I hear that right? is she okay? Also this is very deep for 8am... I did hear her right. She said sometimes your standing outside your burning house, clutching your keys and you think, "what the fuck." Luckily I haven't had to watch my house burn down but I knew exactly the feeling.

This summer I was fighting w/ my family, crying all the time whether I knew why or not, and I was depending on validation from others. As I ran around the neighborhoods of my town one night feeling so hopeless everything screetched to a stop. Everything I had been running away from had caught up to me, what the fuck life. My emotional house within was burning and I had to watch it burn. I am accepting the damages and rebuilding my house. No one else is the architect, and I am totally making a tree house (that is on having insurance agents as parents and soiled dreams of sitting in a tree fist bumping some birds). As summer 2020 ends I have never been more excited for a new beginning. Here is to not relying on anyone else for your happiness and finding it internally. That is on hope.



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